Click on picture to enlarge
The No 5 Green, renovated and enlarged in late 2003, with the FarmGolf Clubhouse and the Commissioner's residence in the background
THE FARMGOLF NEWSLETTER
Founded in the Year 2000
Volume 7, Issue 4 June 9, 2004
The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth about FarmGolf
U S FarmGolf Open Set for June 20th
New Marketing Director Employed
A FarmGolf Human Interest Story
Official FarmGolf Apparel Coming Soon
June 20th Tournament Set for 1:30 PM Start
(FGP) This year's third US FarmGolf Open will again be played on Father's Day. Teams will consist of 3 players, with the sum of the three players rankings equal to a minimum of 25 to equalize team strength.
Newcomers that are not ranked and that wish to enter the tournament will be grouped with an estimated ranking. Their team may also be given a fourth shot each time, depending upon skill levels.
All teams should begin play no later than 3:30PM.
Click on picture to enlarge
The No 5 Green, renovated and enlarged in late 2003, with the FarmGolf Clubhouse and the Commissioner's residence in the background
FarmGolf Hires A New Marketing Director
(FGP) After searching for over two years, FarmGolf has hired a new marketing director. This position has been open for quite a long time, and it was thought that a qualified candidate just didn't exist. However, while socializing at a nearby bar, Lil' Moe's, Neil Creed, Evan Heatherly and the Commissioner himself "discovered" the new FarmGolf Marketing Director, Allicen Lothes. (See below picture)
Before hiring of the Marketing Director could become official, it was necessary to have a roll call vote of the FarmGolfers. As decreed in the bylaws of FarmGolf, at least 60% of the vote must be in the affirmative and eligible voters are only those currently ranked in the world's Top 40. The voting period lasted 72 hours and 17 of the Top 40 FarmGolfers in the world exercised their right to vote. The final tally was 17 ayes and 0 nays. The election was official and unanimous!
Since becoming employed, Ms. Lothes has been busy compiling a marketing plan for FarmGolf and will present it at the next tournament. While most of the details remain secret at this time, a few of the highlights have been "leaked" to the press.
One of the initial revisions will be the implementation of proper FarmGolf attire during tournament events and other major social activities. It is her feeling that certain types of clothing are detrimental in properly marketing our sport, and could in actuality hinder FarmGolf becoming and staying "the world's fastest growing sport".
The marketing director's report will be included in the next newsletter.
Click on picture to enlarge
Left to right are the new FarmGolf Marketing Director, Allicen Lothes,
and the FarmGolf Environmental Director, Dan Papez
A FarmGolf Human Interest Story
(FGP) This is a story that is likely to bring tears to your eyes. Few people outside the elite group associated with FarmGolf could understand the dedication that FarmGolfers have to their sport.
Dan Papez (See above picture), the FarmGolf Environmental Director is getting married on June 19th, the day before the US FarmGolf Open. While the average guy would be off on a honeymoon the next day, this is not the case with Dan, a truly dedicated FarmGolfer. He will be playing FarmGolf the day after his wedding. The honeymoon has been postponed until the day after the tournament.
Dan says "Most people just don't understand how rewarding and fulfilling the sport of FarmGolf is. It's unbelievable how important that this sport will be someday to all corners of the globe, and I will be most happy to know that I made so many sacrifices along the way to insure that FarmGolf is once and for all, the world's fastest growing sport".
Dan also says that his bride-to-be, Lisa Poe, encouraged him to delay the honeymoon and give it his best in the tournament. Lisa stated many times in the past that "she has always wanted to sleep with one of the Top 10 FarmGolfers in the world". With Dan currently ranked at No. 14 and a strong finish on June 20th, her dream could very well become true.
FarmGolf Apparel Deal Set
(FGP) Authentic FarmGolf apparel will be available at the beginning of July, 2004. Initially, tee shirts in three styles will be available. The genuine FarmGolf tee shirt will be available worldwide, with two additional variations available only to staff personnel and members of the FarmGolf female U-Team.
The U-Team consists of all females who have made a donation to the historic Robert C. Byrd Urinal.
Latest Poem - Creed's Creed (It’s a rap)
By Nine Irony in collaboration with Long Seven
I will golf to the best of my ability,
Although drinking impacts my stability.
Yes, I am the “Doc of Rock”,
My guitar licks, you cannot mock.
Now that I’m cured of Carlaiitis,
My “pistol grip” shows no arthritis.
I will fire my weapon every day,
Which keeps the women flocking my way.
I will hold my place at the bar with honor,
Eating Moe’s wings one after another.
I will make the FarmGolf top five one day,
Due to how much more golf, I play.
I will always come out on top,
Because my determination you cannot stop.
Although I hear bitchin’ all day long,
My FarmGolf life is “Da Bomb.”
With white turtle neck and turquoise shorts,
On the 26th of May, at Moe’s, he did sport.
The look of a man doing everything right.
And now he knows the significance of that night!
Next Newsletter Out in Late July
(FGP) The next FarmGolf Newsletter will summarize the US FarmGolf Open and the British FarmGolf Open results and will be available sometime around July 21st. The newsletter staff is taking their annual vacation between the next two tournaments and will be back in time to report on tournament results. This is always one of the largest newsletters of the year, so please file any news stories you may have to sysop@farmgolf.com.
